Footloose and fancy free

"On really romantic evenings of self, I go salsa dancing with my confusion."

I don't want to be an ant, ya know?

I'm starting to get a hang of this whole, "people steal my clothes, so my mom buys me newer cuter ones," trend.


2 of my new outfits, I am in love.

Drink more, feel less.
Drink more, feel less.
Flea to California.
Purify yourself in the Pacific Ocean.
Drink less, feel more.



I got drunk, I cut my hair.
I got high, I fell in love.

I've got nothing.
Except for I'm happy.
And in the end, that's all that really matters.
Wishing I was nowhere but here.
This yellow house is my security blanket, and right now that's all I need.




My new favorite shirt//new favorite summer outfit.

Haylie is moving back to middle america soon, this breaks my heart.
Moving back to the burg with puffin, this mends my heart.
No more negative people are allowed in my life.
Minneapolis at the end of May.
Third Eye Blind<333

I have no concept of time.
I don't know when I started drinking my feelings away.
But I know that it has to stop.
Then maybe I will have a concept of time.
I use to put others first, now I put the bottle first.
I woke up next to someone I cared about for the first time in months.
It was one of the best feelings in the world.
The next time I called him screaming that he didn't come out.
Then tonight I was on the phone with him crying out one apology after the other.
I've been so apologetic lately, which is a sign I need new habits.
New hobbies. New feelings. New insides. Maybe new hair?

It's raining on my parade, ma. It's raining on my parade.
This is my day, that you made.
And I will rejoice and cheers a few too many times.
Hopefully I'll be able to stumble home, with the help of a few people?
Maybe by myself?
We will see, we will see.

Causing one big scene after the other.
Stumbling from one bar to another.
Kissing one man, than kissing four.
Wake up to a stranger, catch the 3 train home.
Used.use.Used.use.Used.use.
It's a cycle. We all get used.
We all use.
But catch the 3 train home.

Missing my loved ones in the western states.
And the ocean I confessed all my lies into.
And the beach we fell in love all over again on.

"And I'm never going to know you now, but I'm going to love you anyhow."


R.I.P. Elliott

Hopped a plane to Arizona, then a bus to California. I'm an impulsive person, I travel with the wind. I follow the rain. When you can't travel west anymore, head back home to the east coast.


When I got off the bus at the station in Los Angeles everyone in the station was telling me how I was in a very bad area and they didn't recommend me traveling to North Hollywood alone. I was going to brave it up and cross the street and use Los Angeles public transportation. I was suppose to get on the 60 bus and get off on Flower and then walk to the red line train and take it to North Hollywood and get off at Vine. It seemed pretty easy. But then I was informed I was right by skid row. And then I didn't feel so brave anymore. Then a family asked me if I needed a ride to the red line, I told them that would be amazing. They told me it was way to dangerous to take the bus. But that I would be fine on the train. So they gave me a ride to 7th and Flower and I took the red line to Vine street. A little old man was singing the beach boys and a couple was fighting about heroin. It was quite a lovely ride. When I got to Hollywood Blvd the first star I saw was Doris Days star. It was a beautiful moment. Had a few drinks, but they weren't agreeing with my stomach since there was no food in my stomach. So I stopped after 2. And then passed out on a couch. Now today I'm going to San Diego to meet up with my brother.

JoDee claims I was screaming at her on the subway last night claiming I know the subway system better then anyone. But it makes sense, because that is something I would claim. I'm a subway rat.

I think the most on subway cars.
There is so much truth is that sentence when I'm so use to speaking lies.

"I want to take you far from the cynics in this town and kiss you on the mouth"


He's my reoccurring dream. Why can't he enter a different girls mind? Why my mind? Why my fucked up mind?
I'm already crazy enough, or so everyone thinks.
When I look in the mirror, I appear sane.
But then again, mirrors have a tendency of lying.
But don't we all?

I find myself manic more often lately.
I find myself wanting to watch the same movies over and over again.
Those movies are Mermaids and Thelma and Louise.
They are my comfort food.
Nothing like driving off cliffs and Cher's amazing hair.

These lungs inside my chest are not mine, they don't understand the concept of living.
I'm convinced they want to fail me.
I'm convinced.


Last night Ryan came over and brought me chocolate, but only because I asked him to.
I think I was joking when I asked him to, I don't really enjoy chocolate that much.
But my roommate loves chocolate.
But in the end it's the thought that counts.
Then we watched Welcome to the Dollhouse.
Thanks mom for letting me use your Netflix!



Now today with consist of my puffin and turkish restaurants.

It's one in the morning, and I am lacing my shoes to take a train into the city.
The center of the Universe.
I am not real.
I am not real at all.
For those of you who object, go jump in the East River.
If you aren't near the East River, jump into the closet river near you.
The East River really isn't far from me.